I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
