Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
