the condom got lost in my hair
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
