Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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