So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
