I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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