filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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