Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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