Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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