I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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