At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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