Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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