remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
