i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
