she woke up with a sticky ear
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
