He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
