just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
