our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
