Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's not cheating when I paid for it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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