At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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