trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize