Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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