and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
