He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
