so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
