Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
