the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
