Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
