Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
