forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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