You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
