i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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