If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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