he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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