yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
