You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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