we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
