There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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