I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
