clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
