Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
