Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
