I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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