And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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