i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
