Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
