You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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