I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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