yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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