Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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