I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
