Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
