you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
