Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
