She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
