Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
