Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
