so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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