Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
