I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
