How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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