We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
