dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
