I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize