i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
