dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
